MOTHERHOOD vs PERSONHOOD


Oh, how being a mom of two, or the holidays, or just being a human being, can busy your life and keep you so occupied that you don't take time to do something that you really enjoy... like blogging (or well, writing in general). I have been completely enjoying being a mother of two. Where I once thought my days couldn't get any fuller, they have. Where I didn't think I could love any more, I have learned to love more deeply. These days have been full of challenges, but the kind that I find fulfilling. The kind that leave me tired and smiling at the end of the day. I start my days early and end them late. I am hugged, and cuddled, and bathed in the smiles of two healthy and happy children, every day. I consider myself very blessed.

However, during these full days I often feel the weight of time passing, weighing me down as I realize that these two babes of mine, are humans, who are growing older, just like I am. In those moments when I feel this weight, I hold these babies of mine even closer and try my hardest to savor each moment. I smell their heads, which often smell of strawberry shampoo, milk, or baby sweat, and I kiss their plump, and often sticky, cheeks. I hold them both on my lap and let the weight of their bodies cover mine. I relish in how they keep me grounded, both literally and figuratively, and often find myself wishing I could always sleep with a baby on my chest. I know this time with them is limited. I am well aware that each day I help them grow older, and they need me less and less.

When this weight feels like it will crush my spirit, I remind myself that all of this is normal, it is the same struggle that mothers and fathers have felt for thousands of years before me, and that my children might also feel one day when they have their own children. I need to remind myself that my life as a human being, is more than being their mother, despite how consuming I feel that role might be, or how much fulfillment I find in it. I need to remind myself to shower, to read a book, to at times say "you must wait a minute", and to remember that I was a person, before being a mother. How easy it can be to lose yourself, to sacrifice yourself, during these days. And really, I would be lying if I said I didn't feel they were a worthy cause to do so for.

But, for them, and myself, I need to shower. I need to take an hour to read at night, to write, and blog, and sew, and do stuff that makes me feel good in my soul. For myself, my husband, and for them, I need to remind myself that they do not want a mother or wife who gives everything only to leave herself tired and spent. They do not want a martyr, despite how happy it might make me to be one. They want me to take care of myself, just as well as I take care of them.

So, back to blogging, and taking the time to write and record my days. A discipline of reminiscing and putting into writing my struggles and achievements; the good, and not-so-good, the ordinary, and the spectacular. I write here for me, and for you, and whoever else may find something to take from this. 

Here begins something new around this little blog. A different perspective, a renewed purpose, a little re-start. Thank you for coming along for the ride, and I hope that by sharing my days you find entertainment, solidarity, or just something to read while waiting for your coffee to brew in the morning (that's when I squeeze in my blog reading).


Last, but not least, I hope you had a beautiful holiday season, and are refreshed by the newness of the coming year.




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