THE MOMMY


so, with mother's day well behind us, here is my mother's day post. i am posting this now because, well... i just couldn't figure out what to say on mother's day. i read many really lovely things written for mother's day... and all i had some scatter-brained thoughts that just didn't pull into anything cohesive  (that i probably could of gone ahead an blogged anyway... and made a big old ramble-y post out of). instead of doing mother's day an injustice,  i just decided that i would forgo the mother's day post, and continue not-blogging...

but then, the more i thought about mother's day, as it passed by, the more i thought about one of my favorite things about being chloe's mom.  that thing is, at the age she is right now, how she sees me.

and so i thought i would write about how my three year old, chloe, sees me. that is, what her perception of me is... or well, how i perceive, that she perceives me.  i never thought about this until a little over a year ago. i had taken chloe out to the craft store to buy something i probably needed for some ridiculousness that i was planning to concoct that night. as is the ritual of the craft store, i allowed her to peruse the animal figurines and told her she may select one to take home. i like these little animal figurines. they are big enough that i don't need to worry about her choking on them, and they are life-like while still being cute (in other words, i don't mind if they show up around the house, on my nightstand, the back of the toilet, or the dining-room sideboard). 

i watched her as she carefully looked over the selection of animals, and then move past the end of the isle, and further inside where there was shelves of figurines made by the same manufacturer. she selected a bride. i groaned a bit internally at the thought of her already reaching the "princess stage" and reached for a penguin to attempt to replace the bride with. because, i know that the princess stage will eventually come, but at two years old i just wasn't ready to welcome it quite yet. she was two at the time, and let's just save all that for four and five, right? right.

but then she reached for a smaller princess figurine, and another one, and another one. i felt my inner feminist begin to panic. i pulled it together and calmly reminded her she could only get one. calmly, because if i freaked out i knew she would really want that dang bride AND her whole posse. she quietly kept on going. she lined up all the princesses in front of the bride and started making them all kiss her. what the hell was going on? why are all the smaller princesses worshiping the big bride? why must they each kiss her? i was equally interested and confused by what was happening. i leaned in to listen to what she was saying, and heard that she was having each princess "kiss the mommy".

over and over, one by one, she would march each princess up to "the mommy" and tell them "kiss the mommy", which they would then do, quite happily.

sure chlo, you can have that mommy. let's take her home.

since then i have noticed that she always refers to the princess as "the mommy", the bride is "the mommy", and the weather lady is "the mommy". all really attractive ladies who have a certain air about themselves. they are all wearing something super-flattering, and they are really confident but gracious at the same time, and they always look amazing. things that i know are hardly ever true about me - the mommy. 

but not according to chloe's view of me. chloe sees me as the mommy who she kisses. she doesn't care that i am wearing the same thing i wore to bed. she doesn't look at what craziness pregnancy has wreaked on my complexion. she doesn't even seem to notice my huge pregnant belly. she looks at me and thinks i am confident, beautiful, gracious, and in charge.

i am the mommy. i am loved, and adored, and kissed. 

and the more i think about being this figure to her. the more i realize what a big responsibility it is, and what i want her to know about being a woman, and a person, and well.. a person that takes care of another person. i want her to know how much i enjoy taking care of her. i want her to see how undeniably happy i am to be her mother. i want her to blow her mind when showing her how to mix paints and make new colors. i want her to see the strong bits of me, the fun parts, and whatever admirable traits i might have, and the flaws, and the weak parts too. hopefully the good things are going to stick with her, and the not-so-good are going to be the things she learns from.. and, oh, i hope she never hates me (too much!). because i love her, and while part of me always want to be "the mommy" that she see's now, i know that she will need to see me other ways as she grows up and learns that i am just a person... and not a princess. 

but i hope she also grows up realizing that there is nobody i would rather be than "the mommy".






























all my love,

lebo

1 comments:

  1. I love every word of this. I never really thought about it, but you're right, it's so cool that my daughter loves me and doesn't realize how lame I am... she just thinks I'm the coolest person ever anyway. I feel totally comfortable to be myself in front of her and I hope it's always that way. Thanks for putting this idea in my head :)

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