TODAY

i woke up early with grand ambitions. huge ambitions. i woke up with dreams for new stuff to make, crafts to do with chloe. parks to play in, and food to make and eat. i had dinner planned before i even brushed my teeth. i made some coffee. made a quick list, and thought of reading a bit before chloe woke up, but hey, she woke up and so we could just get started on this lovely and busy day without any delay - hey let's go!

(and when i say "hey - let's go" i say it in a sing-song voice, mimicking the introduction to "my neighbor totoro". which has not left the dvd player for over a week).


we got dressed, brushed our teeth, and poured some coffee for the road. we were off. we hit up our favorite local bakery for some flour-ey goodness. ugghh... i have succumbed to consuming flour again, although my stomach hates it, my tongue just can't let it go. i have decided to let myself indulge from time to time, knowing good and well what the consequences are... i just need some danish sometime... especially on wednesday. wednesday is the first day of the bakery week, meaning that all the danish are oven fresh that morning. i didn't plan on ordering myself anything before i walked in those doors and the smell of lemon danish overtook me. a warm oven danish is right up there with chubby babies and a man with a neck that smells like soap. soo good.

we then headed to the craft store and bought some watercolor supplies and yarn, then the party store, to buy balloons. colors: blue, yellow-pink. again. then we stopped at the thrift shop and nabbed some pretty linens to re-purpose into other pretty things. we ended at the drug store to buy me some allergy medicine, and then back home. i had all intention of filling the pool, but as soon as i walked in the door to the house, arms full of our loot, it was as though all the ambition and energy was drained out of me.

i used to say that you know a house is a home when you come home and need to pee. i need to go every time i walk into my house. but when i first bought my house i didn't. it was as though the longer my relationship with a place lasts the more comfortable i feel with it, and eventually it just becomes the rule: home is where you pee.



we didn't make it outside again until after dinner. instead we took naps. i made her some fish sticks, a waffle, and some strawberries for dinner. she ate while making her own "wist". i smiled and asked her what she would do. after she ate i introduced her to the art of watercolor out on the front porch. the husband came home. i grew more tired. it was as though the coffee and nap just couldn't make a dent in my exhaustion. i made myself dye my hair, even though i felt too tired to lift my arms, i made myself do dishes and pick up, and i am now in bed forcing myself to write something, anything.




days like this are not my favorites. they are rough, leave you feeling confused and a little defeated. what happened to all my plans of the morning? why am i so tired when i got enough sleep? why is my body so exhausted when i have been doing so well with my yoga, and even with eating well.. you know, minus that danish. and then something silly happens - like the bananas decide they aren't going to hang on the tree anymore... really bananas?



and i don't have an answer for it, or a way to explain it. some days just don't turn out like you planned... you run out of steam, or your body lets you down, or your bananas can't hold on. i just hope tomorrow will be better.




2 comments:

  1. those bananas wanted you to eat them!!!
    is it that you're tired because you're pregnant??? maybe maybe ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha! that night while i was trying to sleep i realized that it was the night before trash day - so my husband was taking out the trash... and that he most likely couldn't leave the one slightly bruised banana on the hanger. by removing it from the bunch he most likely disrupted them, and they peeled. when i questioned him about it we both got a good laugh from it...

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