i must have started to write this post a couple dozen times over the past few weeks, but i just hadn't been able to figure out what i want to say, or how to say it. i am turning thirty. in exactly one week. being that thirty is pretty much the last traditional milestone birthday that you get until you make it to fifty, i feel that i should write something about it. something thoughtful. something reflective. something other than: guess what guys? i am turning thirty next week! yeah... soo...

i still do not know exactly what to write about turning thirty. i might not even publish this post. i may just ramble a while and let my thoughts run through my head. as my stomach might digest a banana, let these thoughts be digested into feelings, let my soul absorb some energy from them... like a long twisty tube of intestines... my feelings - a surge, a blast of nutrients vital for my survival... and then let the words be excreted out through my fingertips onto the keys of my laptop... leaving us with an excellent poop analogy, eh?

if for nothing else, this post will be published for that poop analogy.

but, i am turning thirty in a week, and this is the end of my twenties. so i guess i should say something about them. those ten years of really growing up. of not just thinking i was a grown-up, but actually being one, and through being one, really becoming one... or atleast someone who resembles an adult woman.

 we go through our teenage years preparing for life. going to school (or being homeschooled), having a summer, or after-school job, doing our own wash, and cooking some meals. we gain responsibilities, and experiences, and we start with steps that gain momentum and then become a sprint into adulthood. 

at least that was my experience. i went from living at home, to moving away to school, to getting married and having my own apartment. all before i turned twenty. many do this, or some kind of exit from life at home with family, to being set out into the world to actually learn how to do life, by living it. by making your own home. in many ways when i was twenty i was a baby adult. i could make all the decisions an adult could, but was still growing up and figuring stuff out. if i knew back then what i know now, i would have saved myself a lot of time and heartache... but i only know what i know now because of all that time and heartache.

so, you know how people write those letters to their teenage selves? the advice that they would have given to themselves back then? well... here it goes. my letter from my almost thirty year old self to my twenty year old self:

dear twenty-year-old leah,

do not become a nurse! ... but seriously, you might be happier in the long run just going with being a teacher.

you have more common-sense than you think you do. stop allowing people to tell you that you are impulsive and irrational. being a risk-taker doesn't make you irresponsible. whatever you do: don't stop taking risks.

you do want children, stop telling yourself you don't. you will come to find out that this is the most ridiculous thing you ever thought.
stop being shy. you eventually will get over it, but will miss so many incredible opportunities because of it. 

you look great, but stop wearing jeans with such a low rise. they might be the fad, but they do nothing for you... you know you are a high-waisted lady. get over it already and rock some dark levis'. 
don't be scared. you are going to be okay.

you already understand how simplistic your faith is. stop searching to make it more complicated, and relish it just how it is.

you are an introvert. learn this and you will save yourself a whole lot of tears and confusion.

a whole lot will change in the next ten years, but your imagination will stay.

one day you are going to be sitting next to a stranger on a plane. you will be flying home from your ten day stay in costa rica... where you spent your honeymoon that you finally get to take. your first husband (umm.. yeah, you get divorced), will be sitting to your right , but several aisles ahead of you. he will ask you to ask the stranger to trade seats, and you will later tell him that the stranger refused, even though you never really asked him. this is a wake-up call. take it.

eventually you are going to meet a sort of odd, but very likable man. he is not going to tell you with words how much he likes you, but everything he does will. don't discount this (you get married again!).

you think you know everything you need to already, but you have no idea how much things will change, how you will change, and what amazing things are going to happen. i think you are really going to enjoy these next ten years.


almost thirty-year-old leah.

i guess i am one of those people who says that they don't regret anything, because it made them who they are now. i hate it when people say that they have no regrets. i have a ton of them, but i do love the story of my twenties: a quiet girl with strong religious convictions, a ton of fears, baggage, and guilt, sheds her years of baggage, overcomes her fears, and leaves her guilt behind. then goes on to have incredible adventures of meeting her perfect match, loving a cute baby, caring for sick, injured, and crazy folk, and sewing dolls.

yeah, i am happy with it.

come and get me thirty!


  1. Happy birthday in advance!! Also, it sounds like 30 is so much better than 20 and for that I'm really pleased for you, and also very pleased for myself because I'm confident that I will hopefully learn lots of the things you did. In 9 years time I hope I will be able to write something like this and it be a good thing to share with the world, too! Have a lovely time celebrating.


    1. Thank you Flora! I had a great time during my 20s, and i hope you do too! Thanks for the birthday wishes!

  2. I love the letter you wrote, around this time last year I ha the same thoughts about leaving my teens and entering my 20's but after the last year and reading this I feel more content about it and should just enjoy it while I can. I hope entering your 30's will bring you nothing but happiness and have a wonderful celebration!

    xo Natasha

    The Night is Wild

    1. Thanks Natasha! It is always good to reflect back on the journey you have had and be able to smile about it. I hope your 20s are some of your best years yet!


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