not every day is easy. i know that. but some days just seem rougher than the rest of the rough ones. these extra rough days seem to drag. you look at the clock, hoping it will be nap-time, and only five minutes have passed between this tantrum and the last one. the laundry sits on the floor, folded and untouched. it takes hours to put away. you loose count of how many pee and poop accidents your toddler had, but know that they have not had any on the toilet. every time you put her in time out she has another accident, and what are you going to do? she is already in time out - and now she is quiet because she had an accident and is hoping you will not notice. 

yeah kid, your lumpy smelly bottom and the puddle you have left is so inconspicuous.  when i count to three (inside my head) and then ask her if she had an accident she grabs the nearest object and exclaims: "a ball!", or "book!" as if i am going to be distracted from the pee puddle or turd bundle seeping from her mickey mouse underwear.

tantrum after tantrum we get through the day. i have cut back on television during the day, and she is no longer allowed to play with the ipad as these just seem to fuel more tantrums over stuff that is not necessary. not that she ever watched that much television, but on days like this it can buy me a few minutes of peace. i pop in toy story, and during those few minutes i decide that putting on make-up, deodorant, or a fresh shirt will not change how today is going, and i take a self photo. 

i am getting old.

a notification appears on my phone. it's letting me know that tomorrow starts my "fertile days". i curse at my ovaries and uterus and say a few sassy remarks under my breath while looking down at my womb. i inform them that this is most definitely not the time. i think about this more - the idea of having another child, and i laugh so hard i don't know if i will pee myself or cry... i cry a little... i do want more.

chloe gets distracted from the television and many messes are made. i try to get her to eat as many healthy things as possible. i try to get her to sit on the dang potty as much as possible. i try to smile and be as sweet as possible... even when she pees on the floor again.

and then it is nap time. i sneak in her room to make sure she is asleep in her big girl bed, and not running around...

i don't have it that bad. things are not that rough. i feel bad for complaining when so many people lose so many things. have lost so many things. i think about oklahoma. i have my home and my family. we are safe. we are happy. i feel guilty for complaining, for getting upset, for not being more thankful. 

screw potty training. screw cleaning up this house. screw the laundry, and the dishes, and the messes. let's enjoy these days that we have. let's eat up this time with smiles on our faces, as much as we can muster.


  1. Maybe she's still not ready to say goodbye to the diaper... i say that because we started a first attempt last summer but it wasn't the moment to pee controling and she felt so wrong... we were asking her for something that she couldn't mannage and she was sad.

    1. i hear ya! this is the first time i have really pushed hard for her to do this, and it just didn't go well, so we are stopping for now. i would rather go out and enjoy doing fun things with her, than be stuck inside trying to potty train. maybe that sounds a little silly, but i just don't care enough about it to make us both this miserable. she will be ready soon, just not yet.

      how did you know your daughter was really ready?

    2. When her diaper's dry for hours, then you can start. It also works to buy a potty for her dolls and play with them as if they also go to the wc... Don't worry, they all finish making it!!!!!!

  2. Whatever you do don't buy pull up. I never understood how you don't want them in diaper but then pull up are fine.

    Leah just remember she wont be in diaper at 20 so give yourselves time.


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