mamas blog for days like today. before i started writing about my days as a mother and posting them here on this little blog i would have days like this and think to myself "i need to write this crap down". what did women do before blogging? call their friends? write a letter? keep a diary? being as i am sitting on the sofa with "toy story two" playing, as my toddler crawls over me with her woody-doll in hand, i don't think i am in a good position to do much more than type a little, tickle her, type a bit more, kiss the back of her neck... oh the back of the neck is my favorite toddler kissing spot... and it always smells clean.... type some more.

last night i went to bed early. chloe must have been tired, and i surely was. i did not sleep after updating my little etsy shop the night before. i have no reason for not sleeping. i didn't do anything too fun, i didn't really read much. i didn't watch movies. i just didn't sleep. sometimes, or really all the time when my husband works nights, i don't sleep. you would think that i would get used to it after over a year and a half of us arranging our work schedules so that one of us is always at home, but i haven't. it doesn't help that i also work nights, and that i am inclined to being a night-time kind of person, or that i take naps when my husband and chlo are both napping.... because as much as i crave a bit of alone time, a nap with a warm husband in bed is just too good to pass up. sleep? during the day? c'mon....

so my little one decided last night that seven at night was bed-time. i thought we would sit down and watch a little "mary poppins" together, have some momma-daughter bonding time. i had bought the movie a while back and she was really too young, but her attention span has been growing, along with her love for musicals, soooo... i popped the dvd in with a bit of hope. it all looked promising: she watched the first little scene with dick van dyke singing and dancing, and did a sweet little dance of her own.. and then she lost interest all too quickly. she walked to the steps, and when i asked where she was going she answered "night-night". well. okay.

at seven thirty i had put her to bed, washed my face, filled the humidifier, and tucked myself in. i fell asleep instantly, and woke up at one in the morning. completely awake. i laid there and thought through my options. wake up and try to get something accomplished and make myself sleepy, knowing that this may just wake me up more, and risk not sleeping again until nap-time... which is more than twelve hours away. no good. find a book to read, a very uninteresting book, my parenting book, and see if it will make me fall asleep... and maybe i have some melatonin in my underwear drawer still? yes?!?! and then i heard chloe wake up.

perfect, i will bring her into bed with me and snuggle and i will definitely fall asleep. i went to her room and picked up her little warm body, and she snuggled into my neck, and i melted. best idea ever. i brought her into my bed, sure that i would most surely fall asleep. she laid next to me and just smiled. then she poked my eyes. "eyeees. eyeeess". yes chloe, let's close our eyeeees and go night-night. she laughed again. i sang the abc's very softly. this is her favorite lullaby at the moment. i sang them a second time very softly. and then it was quiet... until she smacked my face so tenderly with her baby hand and said "a-b-seees?" a-b-seees?" no chloe. night-night. time for bed. i got up and made her a bottle, gave her a fresh diaper, and tucked her back into her crib. it was a nice idea.

i looked around for some sleepy-time tea. none to be found. i made a cup of zesty orange tea as it was the only caffeine free tea around, but as the name suggests, it was... uhh zesty, and didn't make me want to sleep. i stayed up thinking of blog ideas, craft ideas, doll ideas, things i want to buy my husband, clothing i want to make for chloe. i wrote all these things down, hoping that by doing so they would be rid from my mind and i would just be left tired... but the more i thought, the more ideas i had. which is usually the case with me. the more i create, the more i think, the more i do, the more fuel i have.... which leads to many sleepless nights. it's like a crazy positive feed-back system... like childbirth: where your contractions produce oxytocin, which causes nerves to be stimulated, and then triggers your hypothalamus to produce more ocytocin, which causes stronger and more frequent contractions...

i think i finally zonked out at five. i woke up at eight and thought that maybe chris was home, and then remembered he was working a double and wouldn't be home until tonight. i was wide awake once more. i got up and made some zesty orange tea, turned on the curling iron, took a shower and decided that we would go out today to buy some flannel sheets, eyebrow pencil, and something to keep chloe entertained.... the necessities. or rather, what i think is necessary in order to get us out of the house for the first time in five days.

chloe woke up, i fed her dry honey-nut cherios with dried cranberries mixed in and some orange juice. she was beyond happy and sat at the table proclaiming "mmmmMMMMMMmmmmm.... mmmmMMMMMmmmm!" i know i had done good. 

i warmed up the car and thanked the lord that i was kind of suburban and owned a car of my own, instead of living in center city and needing to walk. i am sure my butt would be cuter if i lived in center city and walked everywhere, but i wouldn't have been going to target today if i did live in center city and needed to walk there.. soooo...away to target we went. chloe insisted on a bag of peanut and milk chocolate chips (the ones you use to make cookies). chloe doesn't do so great with chocolate, and i try not to let her have it unless i want to be changing diapers all afternoon... you get what i am throwing out there? yeah. it's bad. poor kid. hopefully this passes. so i grabbed some flannel sheets, another grey v-neck shirt that was on clearence to add to my collection, some brow pencil... and then i saw play-doh, and then i saw the ingredients in play-doh, and decided that since chloe would most surely want to eat the play-doh i would make it at home. so i grabbed some food coloring instead. stopped at trader joes to grab a few little things and have some tantrums, and then home.

which is where i made the mistake of allowing her to have the smallest handful of the peanut butter chocolate chips, which i added to her left-over cheerio and cranberry breakfast. i made her some play-doh while she snacked away... once again proclaiming her approval: "mmmmMMMMMMmmmm!!!" 

i smiled and stirred away at my home-made play-doh, knowing she was going to have such fun. picturing us sitting on the kitchen floor making a grand mess and playing with the blue and pink doughs of delight that i was kneading away at.  when they were still warmish, but not hot, i presented these doughs of fun to her. she poked her fingers at them and walked away. she must be missing something. i sat on the floor and rolled out the dough hoping she would come and play. i made a few balls. i made pretzels. she turned on my ipad and sat on the sofa. fail. 

here is the recipe for homemade play-doh if you are interested :

3 cups flour
3 cups water
2 Tbs. cream of tartar
3 Tbs. oil
1-1/2 cups salt

put all ingredients in a pot and stir continuously over medium heat until it forms a ball. then turn it out onto the counter and knead it until smooth. add some food coloring if you like. no need to use flour to knead it. you can keep it in a air-tight container if your toddler isn't into it that day.

chloe still doesn't talk much. she knows what she wants, and usually finds ways of getting it, but she won't say words all the time, she just points, drags you around by your index fingers, and grunts or squeals. she can say some words, and it is getting better each day, but i am inpatient at times, and wish she could just tell me what she wants instead of her having me ask until she stops squealing. "do you want an orange? a pear? an apple? a spoon? oh, okay, it's a spoon. sure. you may have that." also, she has no interest in using the toilet... and sometimes she plays with her poo when she is in her crib. gross... sometimes i wish she would just get tired of the diapers and become interested in the toilet. i have been taking her to the bathroom with me since i can remember. she has had a toilet in the bathroom for months. she had big kid undies and training pants ready to go. but no interest. and i get impatient.

she then "read" some books to me, and i read some to her. and i thought to myself of how silly it was to be so impatient, and reminded myself that she wouldn't grunt and point forever, and that the whole poo thing would pass as well, and that there would come a day when she would independently care for herself, and that day would come way too soon. so i resolved, once again, to love this time, this day, with her. then it was nap-time, and i thought that since i had slept more than i usually ever do that i would be able to have some alone time to read, or craft, but i felt exhausted, and sore, and congested, and my feet were freezing... so i took some claritin, and some midol, and poured myself some diet coke, and put on some of my husband's socks. sexy.

i fell asleep reading a book on the sofa, and woke up two hours later with feet still cold, and still feeling stuffy, and yet dry. like i had been on an airplane for twelve hours. i guzzled some water and started some laundry, and then heard chloe awake. not crying, but awake... which is never good because it means she has found something to do while in her crib... and yeah, it was playing with poo. 

so she got a bath. and ate her dinner of fish sticks, clementines, and quinoa... of which she dipped her fish sticks in the quinoa. and we now watch toy story, and tickle and kiss babies, until the husband comes home... and all is okay in the world... and i like my life... even if it involves cleaning poo.

happy thursday friends. i hope life is good to you today.


  1. Love this insight into your life! I had no idea making Play-doo would be so easy!
    I just discovered your blog and really, really like it - keep up the good work!

    Have a lovely day,

    1. thank-you for your feedback! it is always great to hear from sweet readers! have a wonderful day!

      - leah.

  2. Hi Leah-

    You have a really great blog here. I like reading your writing. I'm sorry that you're having trouble sleeping. How old is Chloe? My son is 2 1/2, and he sleeps on his own for the most part, but I currently sleep with out 10 month old daughter and that makes it hard to get good sleep! At least you get a nap in the day, that is nice :)

    I really enjoy your blog. Glad to have discovered it. bookmarking.

    xox, amber

    1. thanks amber! i am so glad you are enjoying the blog, and i thank-you for letting me know. it's great to hear feedback from readers as i am still a pretty new blogger, and it is always great to bond with other mamas over issues of sleeplessness and raising toddlers - best of luck to you with sleep!




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